I have not practiced yoga much in the past 8+ years. Let’s just say other things got in the way but really I didn’t seek it because….I was happy? And content with my place in life with everything I could want? Now that I think about it, that’s exactly what it is. So I haven’t yoga’d, or been to Temple much or anything from when I sought it before, with a broken heart, in a different way, from years ago.
Yoga hits me in such a way that all the emotions and centering and balancing people talk about with yoga is exactly true. I started today with a sun salutation and even though I’ve been learning about yoga since the seventh grade, I could not remember the most basic of all sequences.
That’s okay, there’s discipline in yoga but there’s also the other discipline of meeting yourself where you are (and yes those two go mystically in hand). And where I am is in a space where time and sequences are out of sort and there’s strength in some areas but not in others and frankly I don’t know if I’m supposed to seek balance or understand which parts are out of balance and why and be okay with that or am I supposed to throw fuck all to the wall and melt down because honestly I’ve done enough of that to know that ain’t it.
So hi again, tragedy and trauma. And hi again, old friend yoga.
Every day I will add a sun salutation for the number of days I lost you until we get to 100. Hopefully, with me practicing and you watching as you do (mostly with the sweetest awe shucks blush) when we get to 100, we get closer to happy.
Rituals are important right now, that I do know. So here’s to two weeks, my love, and months and months before that of missing you. Today is 14.